. . BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE.

Understanding the roots of conflict


Conflict is about difference and getting to the root of difference presents the opportunity for change and growth. I believe that mediation is a way for people in conflict to realise that opportunity, with the support of an independent third party who does not take sides or impose outcomes but promotes the fact that disputing parties can, with clear, careful and respectful communication, make good decisions. 

At the heart of LADR’S training philosophy is the belief that we all have skills and abilities which, with the right support in a safe learning setting, can be drawn out and developed. My training is focused on participants and  meeting their learning needs is my highest priority. Delegates are encouraged to challenge themselves and each other in a constructive and rewarding learning environment.


 I design and deliver training and also regularly practise as a mediator in family, workplace and SEN disputes. I offer Professional Practice Consultancy (PPC) in all of these areas, am on PPC Register held by the College of Mediators  and I train mediators in supervision skills. I have been delivering mediation training for over 15 years in the UK and also have experience of training abroad including Athens, Belgrade, Berlin, Pretoria, Singapore and Washington. 

In 2016, I was made a Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) based on my Research in the Law Department of Birmingham University, comparing the similarities and differences of mediation practice across different areas of delivery. This has informed my work with various bodies and authorities to develop nationally recognised standards in mediation and training. Previously, I completed a European Master’s Degree in Mediation (IUKB) with distinction in 2005. The major piece of work to emerge from this was the development of a model of supervision that is specific to mediation.  

I have been a mediator for over 30 years, working at various times for national organisations, private companies and for myself as a sole practitioner. I have also held various management and supervisory posts within mediation services, and I have acted as a consultant for developing organisations. 

I have a commitment to the development of the mediation profession in this country and in establishing recognisable standards of practice. I have been involved with the College of Mediators for a number of years. I am currently a Board Member, Vice-Chair with responsibility for professional excellence and Adviser to the Professional Standards Committee.


A different Kind of Conversation

Mediation is about having a different kind of conversation. If you are in conflict with someone, whether that is at work, with your partner, your neighbour or even the guy you commissioned to put in your new bathroom, the chances are it has become very difficult to talk. Chances are, it has become very easy for the conversation between you to get into all sorts of blame and misunderstanding. You might think that anything you say or do will be interpreted the wrong way. You might feel that you are under attack, unfairly criticised, misjudged, undervalued ….. and all that makes you determined to prove your point and show that you were right all along.

Imagine yourself with a bird’s eye view of the argument between you and your neighbour, partner or colleague. Look closely and it won’t take you long to spot that he or she is feeling exactly the same way. The risk with conflict is that it can draw any of us into a downward spiral which is all consuming, where there is no trust and where we lose any sight of what is happening for the other person. Mediation offers the chance to get out of the spiral, gain some understanding of each other’s point of view and move on.
How? It is about having a conversation that takes away the blame and misunderstanding and gets down to the real concerns underneath. It is not an easy conversation – if it was, you probably wouldn’t be coming to mediation! You might uncover some fundamental differences about yourselves – but difference doesn’t have to be a problem as long as it is understood. A mediator is there to support your conversation by giving you the opportunity to tell the other person what is important to you, but also to hear what they have to say.
What can you expect from your mediator? A mediator will take time to listen to both of you and make sure that as a starting point, they understand your concerns and what is driving this conflict. She will help you get clear about what you want to say and encourage you to think about how to say it constructively so that the other person can hear it. In a joint meeting your mediator will be supporting you both to have that conversation in a blame free way before going on to think about the decisions you need to make together or what each of you need to do to improve the situation.

A New Perspective

Leaving the past behind - Creating the Future

What not to expect: Your mediator is not an investigator. She is not there to prove one of you right or wrong or to make judgements about what has happened. Don’t expect a solution or advice from her either. Mediation works on the basis that it is you two that know what will work for you. If you take a dispute to court a judge will decide for you but mediation is a way of keeping control, together, over what happens next.

To make mediation effective, be prepared to step up out of the spiral of negativity and blame. Be frank about what you want to say but be prepared to listen too. Mediation is not an easy option but this is a conversation that is worth the investment